You have a moment in the chaos of “now”?
Find something you can do, that will improve what you see.
And then – do it.
You have a moment in the chaos of “now”?
Find something you can do, that will improve what you see.
And then – do it.
Life is a game. At least most of us make it so. Can you remind yourself watching a game of your favorite team, or contender? What was a discipline? What kind of game? Did they/he/she win? How did you feel when it happen?
And now, the little picture from the screen of every TV: The reporter approaching a man who won, who achieved, who did it, and the question is… How do you feel achieving this? And then comes answers, describing how good it is to feel in that very moment.
So, this is our life. Our very life. We live it that way on the most profound level. We even don’t see it, because it is so natural like an air. How it goes?
Double bind game.
First of all, we need to discern one thing. Once you establish something “outside” of you as desired, once achieving this can give you any positive emotions, the same moment you establish a mechanism that can hurt you, your feelings and emotions if things will go other way.
We need to underline, that prise comes always with the punishment, although we discern only possibility of prize not a harm. But pursuing a win, we pursue a harm. We literally create happiness and despair in our life. There is, in fact, no other sources of these emotions than us, who feel them.
“Life is a game” – means, we have established a set of conditions, terms, goals in life. If life “runs” that way, if it, with our help and effort, meet these conditions, we feel great. And opposite, when life is not what we expect as fair at least, we feel, and therefore we are, depressed, stressed, harmed.
Did he treat you with respect? Does she loves you? Are they fair to you? Did they cheat on you, did they steal from you, or have they been honest? Was people honest and fair to you? Heave you been treated as you deserve? Did your efforts bring results as they should?
We are hypnotically directed to…
We change our life in the game, by making “things” “important” for us. We derive happiness from it. From achieving these “things”. When our team wins we are enjoyed, exhilarated, when our team loses, our feelings are quite different. Thats exactly the same mechanism, we impose on our life. We are constantly directed to events, possibilities and past “results”, in our life. Hypnotically directed, deliriously directed, insane directed. Nothing can detach our gaze from these developments of things. Nothing can detach our gaze from past or from the future, because there lays our happiness or our curse. It is the most profound thing, so we can’t stop, thinking about it, watching it, caring about it.
Happiness is there, therefore we are to.
All our happiness and all our despair is there. In the right or bad development of events. In the right or bad events of our life. In the right or bad other people behavior. In right or bad developments of circumstances. In what happens. We are all there.
We are on the move
So we are threatened. We are in danger. We are in the move, to assure prosperity and success, to prevent worst. Life is a game, we can win, and say to the world how it feels to win the game.
But it is all our creations. Life never was a game. And in fact, it isn’t. This all we’ve created, and we create it again and again, so immanently, that we can’t even imagine, that life can be lived different way.
This mechanism: turning to the outside in the search of “how it should be”, creates a game. This “turning to, in search of”, gives us a prize of happiness when reality meets our expectations and keeps us running and struggling.
We literally play game we’ve created. Through all our life. We just change our life in that game. We live that way. And maybe it’s time to walk out. Not from life, quite opposite, from the invented game, which constitutes of establishing conviction how life should be, expecting life to be that way, struggling to achieve desired state, and experiencing all the frustration, stress, happiness and joy coming from game we’ve invented and playing.
And the question remains: Did we really lived?
You have always in some point of equity in your life or, maybe more appropriate to say, you are always in some point of balance and equity in your life. Or… we may say, your life is always in some point of equity.
What is it? What’s about it? What comes from it?
Yep. It is that all your emotions you experience, all your deeds and actions you take sustain each other. Your actions come from your emotions, and evokes them again, so you act as last time, end experience the previous feelings and emotions.
All this leads to self sustaining circle, movement, mechanism. Longer it works, more stable it is and it is more difficult to make any change to it. In this way, we become what we are.
In the point of equity you get positive incentives to act as previous and negative ones if you try to act other way. Of course, you may get a very negative feelings too, you may consciously want to avoid and get rid of. You may get a lot of depression, frustration, despair etc. But still, there will be some jolts of pleasure or satisfaction, some positive feelings that will keep you on track. Although you may not be aware of them.
So we often recognize situation like this: everything is bad, there is no hope, I am bad end helpless. It seems as a stream of negative emotions. But you will probably do something that will give you positive emotions and simultaneously will keep you in your situations, make you repeat your actions.
You may even derive satisfaction (which is some kind of valuable pleasure) from observation that you are right when you see/judge/think that you really are helpless and world is helpless, and everything is bad. This, some perverse, mechanism really works. You may derive pleasure from notice that you are right about negative view of yourself. So you will be helpless and you act the way that will make you helpless, because you will derive conviction that you are right, from it.
It’s very hard to change that mechanism, to move the point of equity of your life to different location. Your emotions sustain your actions and your actions sustain your emotions. And if it repeats it means that you derive some pleasure from it, even if it comes from perverse satisfaction that you are right about your own misery.
But there might be a some level of frustration too, that you may want to avoid. And this is how to do it. How to change point of equity of you life, how to move it in different spot.
1. Believe in God. It is not fancy nowadays but it will give you a point of reference outside of you, outside of your will, abilities, potential. It is no longer crucial if you can or can’t do something, because it is something behind you.
2. Be honest to yourself about your emotions. To many times we just push our negative convictions, opinions, emotions in unawareness, in unconsciousness. They not disappear there. They constantly hurt us from there. We only can’t see them, but we still fell harm.
3. Treasure beauty. Sunsets, music, picture, light of sun on the wall, will keep you out of your stream of self sustaining thoughts and will bring you closer to reality itself. It will give you space and cause you be real.
4. Look at what you want, achieve, to be. Don’t bother hesitations, of doubts. Just look at it. How you want to be. You don’t have to be specific, you may not push yourself. You may do it completely free of stress, tension, compulsion, coercion imposing of yourself. In fact, that way, you may see what you really are
5. Ingrain the picture you saw in point 4, in your heart. The emotions you felt when you saw it in your consciousness. Let it seep into your inside and feel as it dissolve layers of former picture. Let yourself feel as it renew you, as even your breath becomes deeper. Like you have come to the surface, from under the water, and see some light and sun on your skin.
6. Be with that feeling. Be with it.
7. Think what you may do. Absolutely do not push yourself. Do not think what you should do, or what you have to do, or what you must do. All that will be contradiction of yourself. All preasure you impose on yourself through your will, will hurt you not express you. Will constrain you, not allow you to grow and flourish. Think what you may do, in what directions you may head on. See it. Allow yourself to see it. To see yourself and the reality.
8. Do what you want. Read. Get knowledge. Plan. Pray. Meditate. But after all, return to that place. The place where you know that God is next to you. That you may contemplate beauty. That you may free yourself. That you can see yourself as you want which is as you really are. The place that you allow feelings from previous step, to seep into your mind, into your heart, even into your body, every cell and every atom of you. The place that you may see what you want to do, and you become aware that you are smiling. The place where all of it started, and starts again. To your heart.
Do you like sport competition? Have you ever cheered on your favourite team or contender? Did you want him or them to win?
Yeah. Probably yes. And… what did you feel when your team or your sportsman won? Exhilaration, joy, elation… You felt just like this sweet, creative, positive feelings flows through your body, your mind. You’ve sing, or shout, or just clasp your hands. And still you felt this good energy flowing through you.
And… when you team or contender lost. Your feelings were quite different. You felt disappointed, little heavy-hearted, sad. You still felt feelings flowing through you, but this time it were negative feelings. These feelings were of depressive nature, were unpleasant, you needed something different to get to normal mood.
Why is that? Why in one situation we feel good and in another we feel bad. Why in one situation we feel a stream of positive, creative energy that makes us breathing deeper, smiling, full of joy, and on the other situation we have all this sad feelings being defeated, harmed, sad?
Have you ever been discontented with yourself? With what you have done or what has happened to you? Have you been discontented with your life? You’ve felt all these negative feelings, negative energy, accompanying with that discontent?
Why is that? What’s the reason to feel all this negative depressed feelings and opposite, to feel all this positive ones?
It is that way: We enjoy if something is good, we suffer if something is bad.
But what is it good, or bad? Why something is good and why something is bad?
What we want to exist – is good, and
What we want to not exist – is evil/bad.
That’s so simple. It is expression of our will directed to the reality, that creates the good and evil for us. We do it constantly, always. We do it relating to the future events and to the past, and to the present. We express our will, what should be. What should exist. In the future, in the past, in the present.
Why we do that? Because it is all our life. We can;t live other way. We are rooted in it. We do not know life, that could be different. And we do it, because it gives us sweetness. It is sweet, when something goes on as you think/want it to be. That’s it! That’s the bait we are reaching for. And, according to the Bible, the first people have reached for. It is sweet. It is good. When reality goes according to your will.
That was discord, between people and God (you may use a different name). People have started “to know” the good and evil, ie expressed their will what should be in reality and what shouldn’t. They became like God, because God creates reality through his/hers will.
It is like a drug. Our whole life depends on it. We create desire, the expression of our will, of our intention, directed towards reality. We create conviction abut how reality should be, what is or will be, good. Then we examine that reality, to get that sweetness, all that good feelings and energy, that comes to us, when reality goes on according to our expectations, our will, when it is good.
So we constantly create environment which gives us either, positive or negative feedback, feelings, states. It’s some kind of vicious circle. When your balance sheet have more positives than negatives, you can bear it or even like it. In the other way, it became hard to carry on.
This is the game, we play with our life. And it is our choice to decide if we want it to continue. And we can walk out from this strange performance. But… it is an another story.
Usually we take sadness, depression and ultimately despair as a very, very bad things. They harm us in a serious way. Deeper we are on this road, more painful it is.
So we struggle. Struggle to stay strong, to stay straight, to not give up. That’s all we try. And we suffer. More and more. Pain grows sometimes as effort grows. And in the end we cannot bear any more. We just meet the end. What then?
Should we struggle again? Of course, we can’t give up. There will be better days. Things that are bed will turn to the better. You just need to keep fighting, to keep hope, to know and believe that life can be better.
But. It may not. Be better.
As long as you trying, as long as you “keeping hope”, as long as hope that things can, and will, change as long as you keep your effort, you suffer. Just more and more. So ultimately you have two choices, except the previous one, which can bring you no solution: you can either go down into to spiral of self-destructive behaviours, including the ultimate one, or you can go step further.
You can go beyond despair. Just one step. Into unknown. You can leave, everything. Just everything. You can leave everything you hoped for, everything you cared for, everything you wanted to, everything you were scared of. You can just make this step. And you don’t know where are you going. That’s it. You don’t know where.
Because everything you did, was keeping with what you know. Wanting of what you know. Desiring what you know. You are/were linked to what you know. You knew ALL YOUR WORLD, and ALL YOUR LIFE. Or… you thought that you knew it, or… more exactly you’ve just CREATED IT.
So step further, into unknown, is a step beyond your LIFE. Or… more exactly, beyond what you think, and recognized as your life.
The step further is literally losing your life. Everything you recognize as it.
And then you may discover. Such a freedom. Such a peace. Such a beauty. The endless ocean of life and time and….
You may meet IT. Or Him. Names are not most important. In that place, names starts to fade, because they are “meta” something between us and reality. So you can’t name it. There is no name to describe it. You can’t speak of it. But you can, make the step.
If you’ll do it, you will loose, everything. So, if you have something to loose, it is difficult step to take. Otherwise, it can be the only possible thing to do, action to take.
We are constantly hypnotically linked to things and our thoughts. We have build our own life, our own prison, our own trap. We did it and doing it so tenaciously, that we can’t stop, even if there is no more oxygen in it.
It is just possibility. You just may. Not ought to. You may take a step further, when you are in a dead end of despair, and you can find a place beyond despair, and believe me, you may be astonished.
What do you really want? – You will be questioned by life coaches, spiritual teachers, sometimes, by yourself. What do you really want?
Do you know it? Or… maybe you just wandering without goal, floating on the surface day to day experience. Are you a bullet rushing to the aim or a leaf, unhappy, floating on the wind or on the waves, carried by the currents?
These are fundamental, basic questions that defines you, your behaviour, your efficiency, your well-being.
So, first of all, you must establish and determine, what do you really want. Once you determine this, you can start your journey to realize your goals, to achieve what you really want, to change your situation, to change reality around you.
That’s a big task, but worth your effort. Why? Because you will materialize what you really want. And then what? Then? You will be fulfilled, happy, satisfied. You will achieve your success.
So, but, why you really want, what you want?
It is a stupid question? Isn’t it? Lets say it again: Why you really want, what you want?
Cause I’m not good now? Cause I am not quite happy know? Cause I’m dissatisfied now. Cause I need something, I need something different. Cause I feel bad! Cause I feel lack of something. Cause, what I want – will make me happier, better, safer. Cause it is not good right now, and will be if I achieve my goal.
But what are your goals? What’s the nature of them?
I want to make a career and establish my position in the world. I just want to make a money, because money can give me a lot. A lot of fun, safety, freedom. I want to change my spouse behaviour, or I want to break my current marriage and find another, better person to live with. I want to change politics. I want a new home. A trip around the world. A position in society. A success as an artist.
All these goals are rooted, ingrained in something outside. Outside of something that makes a wish, that express the will, that says – “I want”. All this is hooked up to outside world. To the world that is perceived by us.
It is that some things in our environment: social, financial, physical; in outside world can make us fulfilled and happy. And opposite to that, some things can makes us uneasy, stressed, depressed, dissatisfied.
There is a clear link, or more accurately – links, between us, or something we describe as our inside, and outside. Things from outside makes us feel good or bad in many ways. That’s obvious.
But maybe not so. In fact, things from outside, excluding explicitly and currently experienced love or hate, cannot harm us or satisfy us in any way. But they do! Why?! Because we decided that way. We created bonds between some shapes of outside reality and our well-being.
We decided that some things in outside reality will evoke good feelings in us, and some will evoke bad ones. How we did it? Through expressing what we want.
We all live in a way, that all our will is ingrained in the outside. We literally are turned to the desired form of the world, to the “outside”. We are turned to it, and we are seeking fulfilling our will. Our will, how things should be.
This is some kind of hypnosis, fixation, so strong, so natural for us, so ingrained in us, that we cannot see it, we cannot think of it. It is a way of perception, a way of thinking, a way of life. It is just a way of life, a way of living. It is our life.
As long as we are turned to the desired and undesired forms of reality, we literally creating our own worlds, that we live in. We stop to live in a world that exist, we carve from it, and carve from ourselves, a world of ours. A world that we live in. A world that we are a God of it.
From now on, our thoughts, our imagination are plunged in that world we’ve created. We derive our emotions, our state of being from course of events. We are hypnotically enchained to the outside reality, cause we are depend on it, our state is depend on it, our happiness (and everything good) and our misery (and everything bad) depends on it. We depends of what we created, on that links. On the disparity or accordance, between our will about and reality itself.
The question is: How we survived till now?
First of all, not everyone survived. How many acknowledged suicides is in the world? 800 000. Almost a million. Try to imagine a city in the world. 800 000 ppl in it. Every year such a city makes suicide. How it looks? Still you think, we survived? How many people submerges oneself in self-destructive addiction, such as drugs or alcohol, just to ran away from suffering Need to remind such a man as Robin Williams?
Second, we survived cause events accidentally fitted better to our will. Third we survived because our efforts brings us some success, some relief. We change, some reality around us, or some feature of us, so we are glad, we achieved what we wanted. At last, for now.
When you live that way, it is – normal way, you are often plunged in the future and in the past. Your memory brings to your consciousness, pictures of the past. Your imagination, constantly brings in front of your awareness pictures of possible future. It is all, because form of reality you meet, matters for you!
As reality matters for you, cause you decide that way, you will ceaselessly return to the future and past, cause the future can determine you, your state, your well-being, all you want. So it is immensely important. And past is a set of previously experienced harms or pleasures to your inside, and your inside is still living and bearing all these emotions.
So you live in your thoughts. You struggle to achieve success, which means to achieve/change reality you perceive in order to get positive state, fulfilment. Almost everything can be a threat. And you can loose. You really can.
These are all results of turning to the world (or rather to desired form of it). Hypnotic way of life we live nowadays. All we lose, walking through that lane in the forest of life, is – the real world. The only real world. The real world is not not then, and it is not there. It is here and now. And we can’t see it, experience it, as long as “we want“. Because wanting drive us away from here and now, to then and there and that way.
The crucial question is, can we live without wanting anything? Is it possible? After all, all good things we do, we do, because we want something good. If we want nothing, will anything have any importance for us? No. Then, nothing will be important. Because importance is not a fact. It is not a feature of things. It is a just a name of link, between you and desired by you form of life, of reality.
We have so many links like that, that can literally turn us apart. Or can give us desired emotions. The name of every such a link is a importance. It is nothing more.
But again. Can we live in a way, that nothing is important and there is nothing in reality what we want, that can make us more satisfied, happy, fulfilled? Will we then do anything in any direction or will we just live till we die?
We still want. We want answers. We want ways. We want solutions for what is not now. We want to have them.
But now, we can’t have anything. Now, we can only be and do something. So we can’t have answers. Because now, there are no questions. We can just try. To turn away from our hypnotic turning to desired form of reality, from our greed to have… control. From our ingrowth in outside world.
and we can discover, what cannot be said, and cannot be think of,
but exist, and waits,
with care, with patience, with love
Maybe it is true, that in order to find ourselves, we need to loose ourselves. In order to save our live, we must loose it. Just that new “we” will be so different from what we can predict, so … beyond.
I found this tip on a blog “ADaringAdventure”:
“Perfectionists are more likely to suffer from depression”
Being perfect is not quite human
It can be summed up as “It is wrong to be perfect”. As I remember one of the essays of Leszek Kolakowski, a polish philosopher, he claimed that, to some extent, hypocrisy is good. You are not perfect if you are a hypocrite. That’s a bless, because perfection means the dictatorship of reason. Nothing can be changed, because everything is perfect. It’s rigid, inhuman, and fragile attitude.
Being hypocrite, to some extend, means we tolerate two (or more) contradictory thoughts or values, or convictions. The key is in the word “tolerate”. So we can accept something, that is in conflict with our reason, What’s more, we declare that way, we are (which is true) more than a concept, a set of thoughts, a bunch of reasonable and perfectly fitting ideas, that create that perfect being – us.
Imperfection is not an error
Imperfection is not an aberration of what “should be” or an error in our pursuit of perfection. Imperfection is our genuine feature, showing that we are living beings, not a dead set of rules.
We can be perfect
But we can. We can be perfect, just not in a common sense of this word. We can be perfect in pursuing love, life, beauty. Like a flower. Flower is perfect, but not because it has some dimensions and shape that can be thought or decreed. It is perfect, because it is an expression of beauty. So the same way we can be perfect. Not as being meeting some close set of requirements and established rules, but as an expression of friendship, reliability, pursuit of beauty, and, most of all, of love.
Much needed help – life coaching
There is a lot of life coaching nowadays. You can find books, people forming a kind of industry, a kind of service, that is directed to help “improve” your life. We are so blessed with that “new” possibility.
Teachers, trainers, coaches waits for you to help you with your life. They know how to do it. You may also read their books and apply their advices, that became after a while not so really working or right.
The question about effect
Indeed life of people become so much improved, that they don’t need any more coaching, helping etc. Or, maybe quite opposite, maybe this is a need that is growing in an consequence of delivery that service.
The question is: Is life coaching make you more independent of life coaching? :o) I don’t know. I hope so, that you just tried, got “help”, read books, applied advices, and you are there, in a spot that you just do not need it any more.
It the problem of existence of God relevant?
Is the problem of existence of God relevant? Especially in the area of life coaching. Of course not! Is so, it will be an issue addressed by the coaches, mentions by the books. It simply does not matter if the God exist or not in area of how you can live your life! It’s a deep, important, profound and joyful idea isn’t it?
It’s just doesn’t matter. You may believe in God or you may not. Frankly saying you better not, because it seems some stupid idea in terms of “scientific” life coaching. Life coaching is simply based on scientific method not on faith. Because of that – most life coaches are some kind of Buddhists or will present you some issues from that culture as obvious, objective or real – lets say “karma”. An old good Murphy is gone
Lets be honest about God
So let’s be honest, God is banished. Lets don’t talk about him. It’s not welcomed (such a speaking). It’s if not tactful, considerate. Let’s just go to your problems and forget that silly issue for now. Let’s talk about karma and some issues invented by the Hinduism. Yeah that rocks us.
Yet it is understandable. The Christianity becomes more a religion that a relationship. It turns in dull set of duties, habits, customs, that really change almost nothing in our perception, in ourselves. On the over hand, the world was never so shining, so compelling. Only we, cant reach it, with our miserable lives. So life coaching comes with a rescue, with help.
But in case of God existence…
Yet, if the God exist, which no one knows, everything is different. Of course it depends of in what God do we believe. But if the God – in terms of meaning, that it is just Love, that brings us onto this reality and sustain us like everything else – exists, that we have a problem. And we increasing that problem. We live our life apart of IT.
So the issue of God seems to be crucial to ones life. Pretending that it has no meaning, that we just can live on scientific based set of rules, is just kidding, laying, is just taking a point of view, that God does not exist. “Tertium non datur”. We will live as if First Love (which we call God) is real or as it is not.
The way out of unpleasant choice
It is not a pleasant choice. Because we want to be free. Independent. Happy. We want to be on our own. We want to be we. So, it is a one more chance (life coaching with Gods absence) to avoid that choice, and in that way to make the choice we want so badly. To choose ourselves. Because it’s the only reasonably looking choice we see. And it is scientific!
(back to?) Reality…
This morning dense clouds were rolling through the sky. Distant lights were still shining far away. Smoke from tall chimney, on the horizon, flow horizontally – left. After a while when I was writing this text, a sun came in. She/he/it looks from under the clouds and put it’s smile in my room, in my heart, in my life. For this moment, everything was so colorful, so saturated with life and existence.
I just smiled.
Our mental gaze
All we have is our gaze, our mental sight. We are looking at, something, always. We cannot stop doing it. We are just – that sight. It is all we have. What we look at? What we see?
What we look at?
Wow. Mainly so called “problems”. In front of our inner eyes, we see mainly what threatens us, what we recognize as a threat. We see all the harms done to us. We see people we love and people we hate. We see scenes from our past, when we get hurt. We see scenes from the future when we are winners, or quite opposite, when we loose and get hurt. We try to play these scenes, again and again, to “get” a better results.
We look at what we desire. We look at what should be, but it isn’t. We look at all the differences between what we think should be (right) and is opposite.
We are where our gaze is. That’s all we have. That’s our reality.
What we are
When we were young, I mean, before we were born, or some months after, the gaze, the perception – were literally us. There was not “us“. There were only perception (gaze). The sentence “we” have “our gaze” (or perception), means that what happened, was a separation between a perception (gaze) and us. “Us” is something that knows what it looks at, knows that it looks, and can decide what to look at.
This, mentioned above, separation separates us from everything else. So Buddhism is wrong, when it claims, that we are not exist, that “self” is a fiction. If we weren’t be “self” we couldn’t do anything, because we wouldn’t be.
What Buddhism is right about, is that substantially we are part of everything, and we can feel it, if we can go out of compulsive thinking.
For where your gaze is, there you will be also.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21
You will be, where you treasure is. You are, where you gaze is directed. Not only mentally, or in figurative meaning. You are a mental being, you are literally there where your gaze is, where your attention is directed.
You cannot not to look at, because you are separate from everything else. Thus because you are different than anything else, you can, and have to, be a part of relationship to something else. Every your action, every your perception is creating of relationship.
Looking at, directs you into the world and simultaneously creates the world for you. It creates your home. It creates reality you live in. It creates you, in reverse.
You are your gaze. You literally create the world you live in and yourself, every time you look – in your consciousness – at anything. You still doing it, even in that very moment. You did it all your life and will do it till its end. That’s your first and main activity and feature.
So what to look at?
Eckhart Tolle will tell you to look on to the present moment. And he is generally right, because what hurts us, is looking at our “problems”, which are almost always not “here and now”.
Buddhism will tell you to look at everything in the same moment, and to cross that way your harmful process of thinking.
Civilization and your culture will tell you to look at the future, to look for success. To look at possibilities and threats. To look at yourself. Your body, your fame, your wealth, your happiness and well beings.
Instinct will tell you to look for a pleasure, comfort, security and survival.
Christianity will tell you to look only at God. And God in that context means something that brings you on to existence. It is the “mother” relationship that creates, it is Love, that emerges from itself everything else.
Where you good at it?
So, that’s all. Be aware what you looking at. When you are in bed in the morning and didn’t get up. When you are in the train and looking through the window. When you are sitting with you coffee. All the time you are creating your home, your reality, you yourself by looking at something through your thoughts. Were you aware of it? Were you did it good?
If you are an English speaker, every language correction will be appreciated.